We, The Broken

We live in a society that tells us to reach out when we’re hurting,

Yet as soon as we open our mouths to speak,

Hands laden with staples and tape reach for our cracked lips.

We’re forced to be so silent the pressure builds until it seeps from our wrists onto our hands in a color we call 

relief.

“You should have reached out.” 

They say.

But not once did the tape or staples come loose,

they seemed only tighter in the midst of 

the pain.

“I tried!” 

We scream in agony.

Yet the world keeps passing by.

“I’m here! Can’t you see me!?” 

We bleed as our bones give way.

“There’s resources out there for you.” 

They say as they either drag us by our toenails or leave us laying in the middle of the road 

stomach cut open awaiting to be feasted on by vultures.

We live in a society where the broken are the strong because they learned how to break even further under the pressure of the false hope society has 

given them.

We live in a society where the broken learned how to put back together their shattered pieces to create 

a master piece. 

Where the broken grabbed a fire hose to lift off the guts of their spilled dreams and despair off the pavement that looked so hopeful 

from the skyscraper above.

We live in a society where the only ones alive are the ones who had to die;

lips sealed,

wrists open,

and eyes watching.

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Choosing To Live Life In A Life-Less World

What happens when you choose to live your life to the fullest?

It seems to me that every New Year, each and every person’s resolutions are, “I want to be a better person.” “I want to get fit and lose weight.” “This is my year.” “I’m going to finally go out of my comfort zone.” The list goes on and on, yet without fail, most of those resolutions tank right after the first few weeks of the New Year. I know this from personal experience. About ten years of failed New Year’s Resolutions, to be precise. However, this year is far different than all the others.

This year I decided that I actually wanted to live my life to the fullest and that meant giving all my struggles to God, not just part of them. You see, I surrendered my life to Christ several years ago, but I was still clinging on to a few things that were “mine.” I said, “God, you can have all of me except for this little part.” I bartered with God, and that’s just not plausible. In turn, I spent the next many months in an up and down roller-coaster of struggles and trials, all because I was trying to dictate the course of my life.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when God really put on my heart that I needed to change. I needed different people in my life that would help me grow in the areas I wasn’t willing to. He was in constant pursuit of whole my heart when I had part of it locked away. He gave me the strength and boldness to reach out to the people He wanted in my life, and let me tell you, it opened countless doors of opportunities.

By listening to God and His desire for me to open up about my struggles and to put it all in His hands was the first step in unlocking my heart and letting Him in. The first Christian woman I spoke with, God filled me with a confidence I didn’t know I could possess. She was so easy to talk to, be open to, and pray with. After talking with her, that is when the healing began.

But it didn’t stop there. God had a few more people in mind that He wanted me to open up to, and each one brought about a newfound peace. One by one, I was filled with this Joy that I have longed for. I was and am so full, that I feel as if I’m overflowing with this Joy of the Lord. So full that I want to share it with everyone.

Opening up about struggles and hardships is not easy by any means. It’s painful, not always pretty, and it seems like it’s the hardest thing to trust anyone nowadays. Yet when you hear even the littlest inkling from God that He wants you to share your story with someone, I encourage you to do so. Taking that first step is the hardest, but it brings the utmost Joy to you, if you place your heart in the Lord.

“Do anything, but let it produce joy.”

― Walt Whitman

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Anxiety- The Culprit That Steals All Joy

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Anxiety: it’s the suffocating black hole of dizziness, lungs incapable of breathing, voice inaudible, stomach -indigestible, and mind of complete chaos.

As I’m writing this I am experiencing the worst anxiety that I have had in months. Maybe it’s due to returning to college and having so many different obligations, or maybe it’s because I took one step forward on my own without asking God to come along. Maybe both. But one thing for sure is that I am crippled by this anxiety. I’m nauseous. I’m shaking. Breathing is difficult. Eating is difficult. Everything is difficult. I’m only typing this in hopes that I can calm myself down in the process. Many of you reading this are not aware of my battle with anxiety, nor are you aware of many things about my life. But I can tell you one thing that holds true, is that sharing things such as anxiety opens doors for not only you personally, but for others as well. There’s such a stigma on anxiety along with any other unseen struggle. As far as anxiety goes, it’s something that affects countless people all over the world. It is a real struggle. I know it, because I live it every day. Some days are better than others, and some not so much, such as today.

“Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith. I don’t agree at all. They are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the Passion of Christ”
C.S. Lewis

Having anxiety does not mean that I am living a sinful life. Having anxiety means that I’m living in a world full of sin and temptations from the enemy whom of which is trying to steal my joy. I might still have anxiety attacks, but my faith in God remains, because one day in Heaven, anxiety will be no more.

God is good, All the time.

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At this very moment, I’m honestly so full of joy I can barely type. The Lord has been working in exponential ways in my life, I can barely fathom His Glory. After having many seasons of struggle and trials, I’m finally in a season of healing, pursuit, further growth, and immeasurable joys and I want to shout it from the rooftops how great our God is.


I think most of us during seasons of trials and hardships end up asking the big question of, “Why?” “Why am I going through this?” “What did I do to deserve this?” We question ourselves into this pit of doubt. Doubt in our purpose, our existence even, and the plan that God has for us. The enemy takes these questions, warps them, and makes them fester in the most sacred of places. Doubt is the spark that sets fire to the whole forest God planted in the beginning of our existence. The definition of doubt is, “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.” Woah. Stop right there. A lack of conviction. Now, as a Christian, if we are not convicted, then we are still living a life of sin. We are doubting that we’re actually living the life God intended for us. We are doubting that faith is real. That a relationship with God is real.


36 “Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Messiah.”

37 When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”

38 Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. 39 The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”

40 With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” Acts: 2:36-40 (NIV)


For me personally, I lived a “Christian” life for the most part until I began my second year of college where I became involved in a campus ministry called Cru at the age of eighteen. I gave my life to Christ 100%. I made a commitment that I can’t rescind. Rather, I never want to rescind it, because my relationship with God is something that has kept me standing these past few years through each and every trial.

One thing I didn’t anticipate nor was I prepared for after surrendering my life to Christ, was the amount of trials I would endure, because the enemy knew I was now a threat to his twisted plan. I had to fight each and every day, and yes, I did get exhausted. I backslid, I made mistakes, yet each and every time God had his arms wide open, beckoning me back to Him. He allowed me to endure certain trials that didn’t make sense at the time. Trials that made me doubt, question, stray from the truth and believe the lies. Yet if it weren’t for these trials, I wouldn’t be sitting here right this very moment typing this. Our God is so good even through the pain we experience.

Despite all of the trials that I have experienced over these past few years, I have grown exponentially in every aspect of my life. I’m nowhere near the person I was a before surrendering my life to Christ, nor am I even close to the person I was last month. God has been in constant pursuit of my heart and He’s doing such extraordinary things. He’s led me halfway across the United States to live in New Jersey for an entire summer and be a missionary. He’s called me to work in other people’s lives, be a light on my college campus, be a light to friends and family, and has placed certain desires in my heart for a future I can’t even begin to comprehend. He’s placed this joy in my heart that can’t be stolen. He’s filled me with the Holy Spirit, placed amazing Christian men and women in my life to help me grow in my faith and to be my family. And after all of the trials and not understanding them as I’ve endured them, once those seasons have come to pass, God has revealed to me the reason as to why some of the things that happened, did. He’s taught me to rejoice in the deepest valley’s as well as from the highest mountaintop. “I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs.” Isaiah 41:18. God is faithful, just like the verse in the image above (2 Thessalonians 3:3). Even when we don’t think He’s there. That He’s abandoned us in the seasons of trials and hardships, those are the moments we are to seek Him the most. Those are the moments He wants to hear our cries, to hear us cry out, “Abba! Father!” It’s those moments like the prayer, Footprints in the Sand. He hears each and every one of our prayers. And He answers each and every one of them. It may not be in a clear yes, or no, or even in our lifetime, but to remain faithful in our Lord God, is to live a life of fulfillment in Him no matter how uncomfortable our circumstances may be. The Joy of the Lord is our Strength (Nehemiah 8:10).


I challenge you to look at your day-to-day life, your walk with the Lord, or if you don’t have one; I challenge you to make that decision to follow our amazing Lord God. I challenge each and every one of you to get connected in your churches, get involved in a small group, have a discipler, an accountability partner. Someone that is a Christian who can guide you, encourage you, and help you grow in your faith and make disciples of men. Be bold in your faith, in your prayers, and your actions. Don’t be a said “Christian” be a Christian that when people see you that are not believers, see the light shine through you of the Lord’s Glory. Seek God in every moment, and when you’re in times of doubt, open your Bible to the book of James and read. Read it as a prayer, read it with every fiber of your being. God is there for you always. Seek Him, place your faith and trust in Him, and He will answer your prayers.

God bless.


19 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” Matthew 28:19


If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me.

Who Are You? An original or a copy?

Picture this:

You’re sitting in an uncomfortable hard plastic chair in a far too crowded room that is stuffy and echoes even the slightest sounds, making concentration all but obsolete. You’re exhausted after a long day but your future depends on this moment, every day, for several hours a day. Your head aches from countless hours looking at a computer screen, your hands are cramping from typing for hours, and your heart is racing from that fourth cup of coffee you just finished after an all nighter.

This is real life. This is college. This is what growing up ends up being for a large percentage of people. Spending thousands of dollars on classes to further our educations in hope of receiving a piece of paper that says “Congratulations! You’re in debt like 90%+ of the world!” Okay, okay, maybe that’s a little extreme, but yes, we’re spending hours upon hours a day seeking after a goal that most of us lose sight of during the grueling process.


Despite the fact that I am at a college campus with roughly 15,000 students attending, I see the same thing everywhere. One life-less face after another lined up and down the sidewalks, in the hallways, in the dining centers; glued to a blue screen as if for some reason something that lights up and causes an imbalance in sleeping patterns, provides all of the answers. As if being connected 24/7 somehow makes us feel less alone. Glued to these hundreds of dollars of metal, glass, and a few wires and hard drives, as if they will somehow fill the void that lives within us and grows each an every day. We use our phones to avoid socialization even though it’s something we desperately crave. We use it to avoid eye contact. We use it to appear busy, connected, you name it. When did the need for technology 24/7 even begin? Honestly. It’s an epidemic.


Now if you only take away one thing from this post; take away this.

By being connected, we have become the most disconnected generation of all time.


I don’t know about you, but as I scroll through Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat stories; you name it. That teeny tiny void that lies within seems to grow like a weed. Whether it’s because someone I know or even don’t know is hanging out with friends and is having a complete blast, let alone without me. Or I see someone’s life appearing to be so much cooler than mine could ever be. The possibilities are endless, and so are the enemy’s. Any little thing that we even slightly desire in our lives, even as small as a grain of sand can become an entire sandy white beach if we let those lies sink in and multiply.

Living on a college campus and seeing face after face go past me, not looking up once to see what’s going around them because they’re so glued to their phones, just breaks my heart. For crying out loud, our college had to spray paint in lettering on our sidewalks by every street, “Heads up, phones down”, I don’t know about you but to me, that speaks multitudes. When we’re so concerned with being connected 24/7, we miss out on opportunities as simple as enjoying nature, smiling at a stranger, seeing that bird fly above you. We miss out on real, genuine relationships not only with friends but with our families. You name it.

Life has become a game. A game of who’s social media looks the best. Who appears to have the best life. But that’s the thing, everyone is fake in their own way nowadays. We portray one thing on social media and live another. We claim to be someone we’re not and when we’re told to prove it, we cower behind our screens, making excuses after excuses as to why we can’t live up to something.


Now let’s go back to the beginning. That room I had you picture yourself in? Yeah, that’s actually a classroom that I sit in every week multiple times. And in that room occurs conversations after conversations of some people I know and others I don’t. Of people who live one life on social media and another in real life. Of people I used to think were so cool and amazing because of their social media, only to find out that they’re simply hollow and rotten inside in person. In that classroom I simply hear complaint after complaint. They range anywhere from how awful the professor is, to how expensive college is, that college is pointless, this class is pointless, not wanting to pay for the class, about how no one cares about the class, etc. The list is absolutely endless. I could write a book on the complaints I’ve heard in the past two weeks alone…

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m far from perfect, but I have heard so much complaining in the past two weeks with being back at college for this Spring semester, that I’m already fed up. I want to come to class and not have to strain to hear my professor over my classmates rudeness and complaints. Classes are not cheap by any means. It just blows my mind how little people care, even in classes required to graduate. How little so many people care about the majors they’re graduating with. It blows my mind of how un-empathetic and how impersonal anyone is nowadays. Conversations seem to always be, “Hey how are you?” Without the person asking actually caring. Today, we don’t even wait to listen to how the person is doing. We just say, “Good” and walk away. Or if someone says that they’re not okay, we reply with something like, “Oh that sucks, I hope it gets better” and move on with our lives. WAKE UP PEOPLE. I don’t know about you but I hate living in a world where you have to literally force relationships with people. I hate going to class where you only talk to people because you don’t understand a class assignment. I hate living in a world where gossip is the go-to. Where identity is in the latest fashion sense, belongings, finances and anything else except God. I hate living in a world where nearly everyone is a copy of the next. -Now you’re probably like, “well she’s complaining about complaining.” In a sense, yes. But in order to get my point across. I basically have to. My point is to have you understand that we all complain. That it is such a common thing to do and we need to stop doing it. One less complaint a day, keeps the darkness at bay. Next time you catch yourself complaining, ask yourself why you’re complaining. Ask yourself what the root of it is.

So I challenge you, are you an original or merely a copy? Do you spend your days complaining? Or do you spend your days talking about the things that were good, the things you learned about, or what brought you joy? Do you spend your days getting dressed in something because it made you feel good, or because it’s comfy; rather than dressing because that’s what’s “in”? Did you go to the gym because you genuinely wanted to and it made you feel good? Or did you go because society says you’re not good enough? Ask yourself: Did what you do today happen because you chose it, or did it happen because you let society choose it for you?

Stop being a copy.

Be an original.

Be who God designed you to be.

Be the beautiful child of God that isn’t a part of this world.

A child of God that picks up their cross daily and follows Him.

Living in each and every moment that He created so perfectly for us. Even if that means going “off the grid” for days, weeks, months, years. DO IT. If it means strengthening your relationship with God and being the you-est version of you possible to follow Him. Do it with every fiber of your being. I pray that whoever is reading this, that this has stirred something within you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and there’s always a chance for revival. Wake up. Lift your heads up, power off those phones. Unplug. And reconnect face to face with the people sitting right next to you. Check your intentions before you speak, write, text, post, take a selfie, talk to that person or think even. Don’t let the enemy make that beach for you, as comfortable as it may seem once you’re so far along, stop. Don’t let him drag you down even further. The deeper and bigger the beach, the harder it is to escape. But it’s possible, all you need to do is reach out and ask for help.

God bless.

College: A Life Changing Experience

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College:

col·lege \ˈkä-lij\

noun, often attributive

“A part of an American university that offers courses in a specified subject” (Merriam Webster).

 

College defined by a college student:

 col·lege \ˈkä-lij\

Emotion, often pain

  • A place where mom and dad send their children after having completed 13 years of schooling prior.
  • A practice run of adult-hood.
  • Repeated incidents of pulling hair out, mental breakdowns, and stress eating.
  • Excessive consumption of Ramen noodles and ice cream.
  • Weight gain.
  • Weight loss.
  • Acne, lots and lots of acne.
  • Stress, more than anyone can comprehend.
  • Taxes, what are those?
  • Copious amounts of phone calls to mom.
  • Adding every person that is met at college on Facebook, even if only encountered once.
  • Taking advantage of anything and everything free. Already have one? Take another!
  • All nighters.
  • Skipping class to complete homework for another class: logic.

The list honestly goes on and on.

College for me this year has been one of the most challenging and life-changing things I have ever encountered in my life. The photo above, “Put your hair in a bun, drink some coffee, and handle it” seems to be my entire year at college this year. Except it was and is a lot less simple than that. It’s been my hair in the messiest of buns from not showering, copious amounts of coffee due to no sleep, and not handling anything by any means. College is hard. Not just because of the classes, granted those can be extremely hard, but college is hard because everything is new.

Fall semester, I was all excited to go to college. It meant freedom from my parents’ rules and numerous opportunities to meet new people that could be life-long friends. But college was far from what I anticipated upon arrival. Yes I had taken a year of online college prior to coming to college, but that only prepared me academically, not in the ways I would soon find out I needed.

I arrived at college with way too many belongings to place in my tiny shared dorm room. I didn’t have a fan the first few weeks of college, making a constant layer of sweat my attire. Sharing a room for the first time in my life was a change that wasn’t suiting me, eventually leading to moving rooms. There were far too many events to participate in, so I participated in none. I didn’t go out and meet people during the first few weeks of college, I only talked to the ones in my classes, which was minimal. I chose classes I thought I’d be interested in and professors I thought would be good, only to end up with classes I hated and professors that made me want to complain to the school board or drop out of college or both.

I found myself with too much free time, minimal friends, an easy course load and opportunities that I continually passed up. I started college with no vehicle but eventually brought it up. There was no point really, I only used it to drive around and then complained about finding parking on the streets since I didn’t buy a parking pass.

I had a mundane schedule. I did my homework, worked out, went to class, did swing dancing, hung out with some people from time to time and went to Cru. Yet I was still not feeling college and I had no idea what I even wanted to do with my life. I contemplated dropping out because college just didn’t seem like the fit for me. But I met with a staff leader and student in Cru one afternoon and sat at a picnic table in a courtyard on campus. They went through a pamphlet called Knowing God Personally or KGP. Now, I had surrendered my life to Christ a long time ago, and was confirmed in the church in the spring of the eighth grade, but I didn’t truly know that sacrifice that was made in order for me to live. There’s a saying that goes along the lines of, live every day like someone died for you. Someone did! JESUS! We tend to hear this all the time throughout our lives that it just becomes something said and response of “mmhmm that’s truly great isn’t it?” But are we really taking to heart the sacrifice that was made for us?! I know that I wasn’t, not until I was walked through the KGP. 

To be truthfully honest, I was mad. I was mad that I had finally heard the truth because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to unhear it. I had an idea as to how college could and should be for me and I didn’t want that idea to be “ruined” because Jesus had a different plan for me. So I spent days, weeks, trying to figure out what was in store for me. What I was supposed to be doing in my walk with the Lord. It was a constant struggle, but God was there with me every step of the way.

I went through the semester letting God lead me, but I kept drifting away and God kept bringing me back. I went to a fall retreat through Cru and met more people and rekindled past friendships, was called to do Summer Mission, but after every spiritual high comes a spiritual fall. I went back to planning out the rest of the semester how I wanted, ignoring the fact that, that wasn’t what God wanted for me. I had the next two years of my life planned out; financially, classes for each semester until I graduated college, when I would sell my car and upgrade, where I would work in the summer, and more. I had it all planned out. The weekend before finals I went home to work for one of my jobs, babysit, and then study for finals since they were at the end of the following week. I was financially tight and working and babysitting helped me to pay for an O2 sensor that went out in my car along with a belated graduation gift. That was the first weekend since the retreat that I even realized God was still working in my life.

There was a snow storm rolling through the day I was intending to go back to college. My parents recommended that I go up earlier so that I wouldn’t get stuck at home since I had finals to take. The day before I drove back up to college I had the O2 sensor fixed in hopes my car would last until the end of August so that I could sell it. It was all part of my plan. On the day that I went back up to college, I took my time, drove the speed limit, enjoyed everything about the drive. It was a beautiful day and I was so happy to be able to enjoy it while driving. After a two and a half hour drive, I was approximately three minutes from the college campus when a lady in front of me slammed on her brakes during rush hour traffic and I didn’t have enough reaction time to stop in time. I rear-ended her, causing my car to be stuck in a double lane, rush hour road approximately 100 yds from the intersection.

I had never felt so helpless in my entire life.

My car was stuck on the road, my horn wouldn’t work, the woman I hit drove off, and no one was stopping to help.

If any single person saw me in those moments, let alone heard me, their first thought would not be “Christian” it would be a jaw dropping “Oh my goodness” response for the vile things that flew out of my mouth. I was so irate that I said more harmful things than I’ve said in my entire life, in a matter of minutes.

So not only was my car stuck on the road, but the woman I hit had driven off, people kept almost hitting my car and no one was stopping. At this point in time I was on the phone with my parents terrified, crying, and enraged at the situation and they had reported the accident to the cops and while we were talking a person almost rear-ended me but slammed on their breaks barely a foot away from me and all I could see in my rear-view window was the vehicle. By now my parents were yelling at me to get out of the vehicle, for good reason, and so I tried. I couldn’t get out of my driver side door due to the frame of the car crumpling just enough the the door was stuck, so I had to exit through the passenger side door, across the other lane and onto the sidewalk.

Eventually a friend and Cru intern Cody saw me and pulled into a nearby parking lot and came up to me, as I was filling him in on what had happened, a woman came up to me who ended up being the woman I hit. With this Cody went to stand behind my vehicle to direct people around my car and I had the woman go and call the cops since they weren’t there yet. Within a matter of minutes, out of nowhere, a guy in a suburban flew into the back end of my car and shot it flying into the turning lane 50-60 yards. I screamed as if I had witnessed someone being killed, my heart dropped to the ground, I fell to my knees on the cement and buried my face in the snow. I literally had lost everything.

My parents were on the phone with me the whole time asking what happened, if everyone was okay and that’s when I realized that Cody was standing behind my car. I looked up and somehow, by the grace of God, Cody had jumped out of the way just in time and wore the face of a man who had watched his entire life flash before his eyes…

Not even a minute later the officers, a fire truck, and a tow truck arrived. It was the middle of December, cold, and I was not dressed accordingly. I was deranged, crying uncontrollably, shaking from adrenaline and the cold, and completely devastated from the events that had just taken place. And here, after everything was taken care of with insurance and the police during an already stressful finals week, the woman that I hit was driving on a suspended license, and the guy that flew into the back end of my car was looking down at his cellphone.

December 15th, approximately 3:30pm CST, I lost approximately five-thousand dollars, several pounds in tears, and all the sanity I had left. However, I gained so much more. I realized just how many people were there for me afterwords, I realized that I had been placing my identity in what I owned (my car especially) and realized that there was so much more than earthly possessions. The officer told me that if I was still in the vehicle during the second accident, that I would be dead. To be alive is the greatest gift we can receive. Losing a vehicle is nothing compared to a life. I may suffer from a bad neck, back and hip problems now, but I am alive and well. God has given me the strength to go through each and every day. PTSD is a thing from car accidents and I still wrestle with that every time I am in a vehicle, but I am getting there and God prevails.

If the car accident didn’t happen, I would not be here, right now, typing this blog post on a 10 week mission trip in Seaside Park, New Jersey. God used the car accident to bring me back to Him. He used it to show me that I needed to leave my life of sin and enter the life of forgiveness once more. He brought healing and health along with friends and family, bringing forth a spring semester of college that held even more change and growth.

Each and every time that I stray away from God, He has something in store for me to bring me right back to Him. Especially this semester.

So back to the hair pulling and excessive coffee, this past year and semester changed me, broke me down, built me up and showed me what life is supposed to be with the Lord. It’s supposed to be a life where we carry our cross daily and surrender our sins our life each and every single day to Him. And without that, our lives of sin consume and control us, continually driving us further and further away from Him. But by surrendering my struggles to Him, I am able to be here in New Jersey with 31 other amazing college students and numerous staff to share the Glory of God with the people of this town and New York. I am able to place my worth in Him and appreciate the trials that I have undergone as they have made me into the woman I am today.

I am a child of the one true King, and by knowing that, nothing else on this earth can take that or the truth away from me.

I had wished I could unhear the truth, but there’s no such thing. I have heard the truth and now I must live by the truth, and for me, that’s the only way, but it’s the best way. It is full of healing, forgiveness, and joy.

2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come!”

Being Tested

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Since coming to college I have been tested in countless ways; whether its in relationships, time management, social life, activities, classes, faith or finances. I’ve been tested. Throughout all of this I have learned some very valuable lessons, one being that of staying rooted in your faith, no matter how hard the wind of adversity blows.

Today I started my morning by sleeping through my alarm and rushing to get ready in the following twenty minutes. During this time I kept thinking to myself, Why am I rushing? I don’t have class for another hour. Yet I continued to get ready because I hold a certain standard for myself, and a routine that “can’t” be broken (I’m OCD). As I was about to head out of my dorm-room and lock my door, I thought again to myself that I could at least take two minutes and read today’s devotional in the Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I opened to October 14th and it read: “Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My Name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely -even thanking Me for them- is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends out ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles. When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My Name, offering it up to Me for My purposes. Thus your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.” 

These words resonated in my mind throughout breakfast and into my first class of the day: the one I dread every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning. It’s the class that has tested my faith from day one, and continues to do so. I cannot recall just how many prayers I have had to say, simply to make it through that class these past eight weeks. But, with the Jesus Calling devotional still fresh in my mind, while being confronted and confronting my professor about differences in beliefs for the class and conduct, I let God take control of the situation. By doing this, the words that I could have said, did not pass through my lips, but rather kind words of “understanding” did. Even though the situation was not handled how it should have been on the other side of things, I know deep down that this is all happening for a reason. That God is one hundred percent in control of all of this. This class, the tests that I am going through in it, are merely that of a far greater plan that He has in store for me.

With all of this being said, rooting yourself in Christ is the ultimate necessity. Root yourselves in Him, “so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, [will be] rooted and grounded in love” Ephesians 3:17. I know that the next eight weeks of the semester will be challenging, but I know that because of God, I can make it through, for “with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NIV).


I can do all this through him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13 (NIV).

{Exactly one year ago, today, I created this blog}